Night Games and Mourning

Night games, Ghosts in the Graveyard, No Bears, Capture the Flag, any of these sound familiar? Last Saturday the teenagers at our house hosted night games. Twelve youth gathered at our house to play. When they were all gathered they went out t0 the way back and started on the games. Kieran and a couple others came late because of the Young Womens Broadcast. It was above freezing and most of the snow had melted so it is officially spring in Rexburg. There were few trips up to the house for supplies but nobody wanted to quit, even when the drizzle started coming down. At 9:30pm parents started showing up to pick up their kids the group came in happy and excited. The conversation full of instant replays of exciting insidences and near misses I took as a good sign that things had gone well. We had only a couple of minor injuries due to unseen tree limbs or stumps. It was a real treat to see these kids enjoy themselves. They almost sounded like my little one when it's time to go home after a play date. "Do we have to go now?" "Can't we stay a little longer?" It was a fun time even for me. After all the kids were picked up Kieran and Brayden came in to sit on my bed and tell me about the games. It was just so fun to sit with these almost grown up children and share in their excitement. The fun that they had come to share with me! their Mom! I'm so grateful to my children for the love they still give. I will always treasure the memories of them as babies, their soft baby skin and little round sturdy bodies, the baby talk and hugs and wet slobbery kisses. These things are great memories but I am so glad that they are not all. I am glad for the moments we have now that they are big the intelligent observations they make, the desire I see in them to do right, their testimonies, the questions about things that are hard and what it was like for me as a young person, their tall growing bodies, the hugs, the dry kisses and their willingness to still share laughter, happiness and love with me. I am so happy there continues to be more. I love my children.

So where is the mourning? You see it's my cell phone. It went out to the Way Back for night games and didn't return. No it was not new or expensive. It took only marginal pictures and I had no way to send them to any one or down load them to my computer. I even have another one just like it in my sock drawer. So why the mourning? It had the sim card with it that I have had since Arkasnsas. I will never be able to replace all the numbers that were on that card and I am so sad to lose them. It's almost as bad as losing friends. Feel free to call me to console me in my grief, so I can get your number back.

Hibernation

Winter in Idaho is deep and snowy. The more it snows the deeper it gets. It doesn't melt in between times. The boots and the snow pants go to school every day. I enjoy the snow as long as I don't have to drive in it. Lucky for me they get enough of it here that they plan to plough and usually the roads aren't to bad. This winter I have felt like hibernating. Last year not so much. I think with Paul's new job and moving I felt more like the old farm families that spent the winter months busy with activities that would bring them money in spring or restore items that got worn during summer. This winter, not knowing what the spring will bring, I have been an animal of conservation. I am really good at this. This has been my coping mechanism of choice for many years of my life. It has been quite a while since I've used it though and have been a little surprised to find myself hibernating again. In days and times past I was waiting for something bad to happen. I didn't want to be caught unaware and therefore unprepared. If it wasn't necessary it wasn't done. It took some time and effort to overcome the desire to wait and actually discover what I wanted to be doing. Now I am back to waiting but it is not by choice it is one of those circumstances for which I had stopped waiting. When Paul was first laid off I wanted to gather all my resources. I wanted to be done with projects and check all my support connections across the country and be ready for the long winter if it came to that. After Christmas the preparation was over and the waiting had begun. The snow was coming down as if on cue and I was settling in for winter. Now spring is coming. I can see patches of grass in the yard. My Mom was here a couple of weeks ago and we were busy with some projects that felt like waking up a little. Since she has gone home I think I just crawled back under the covers of my den. I just keep thinking "Five more minutes, Mom." I am finding it hard to know what I want to do without having a clear vision of where my family will be. So what have we been doing? Hibernating. The regular things for the kids have continued school, projects, homework, house cleaning, fish feeding and not much else. We must continue to wait for Paul's job situation to work out but I am beginning to think, under the covers, of what I want to be doing. I really can't stay under much longer. But also can't face coming out until I know I have decided what I can and want to do. So I haven't pushed myself out just to sit in the dark and keep waiting. Just Five more minutes REALLY.